Regrets of a Queen
by Phoenix1998
Summary: With her husband missing, Gwen has time to think, whilst Camelot recovers from the battle of Camlann. SPOILERS for s5ep13. Please R&R :)
1. Chapter 1

**OK this will probably be sad but it was a thought that would not leave me alone. Well yeah. It happens :) A warning, spoilers for season 5 episode 13, and depression. Anyway enough of my madness, on with the story. **

Queen Guinevere was sat on her throne. She had finally stopped her anxious pacing, but her mind was racing. Outside in the courtyard, knights were returning from Camlann in small groups. Some of the stragglers were wounded, others were supporting their wounded friends and colleagues. The body count was increasing rapidly. Quickly filling the courtyard with white sheets covering the faces of the dead. Families stood around the falling, their keening sounding to the sky, to the Gods. Were they listening? The sounds of their mourning echoed around the castle. Their heroes unable to hear their voices. Children knelt next to their fathers, mothers and wives clutched their young ones.

Silent tears were falling down the beautiful queens face. She had no idea where her king was. Or even if he was alive. No, she knew he was alive, she could feel it. And he had Merlin. Brave, idiotic Merlin. Merlin who was their saviour. Yes, she had worked it out. From the hints that Gaius had dropped and the small slips Merlin himself had made. She had figured out about their silent, defender, who never sought praise.

This did not stop her tears though. Even Merlin may not be able to save his King this time. With an army after them and time against them. But she was the queen, she could not let such thoughts cloud her mind. She needed to be strong, for their people. For her King.

But even the iron wall that the queen had put up against such thoughts was breaking. Crumbing, rusting. Like a tainted blade. Thoughts slipped past her armour. Regrets. So many things had she wished to tell her king. Arthur. How she had always loved him. That she believed in him. But she had grown to used to the fact that he had always come home. To her.

To calm her thoughts she pictured her beloved. Placing the image firmly in her mind, of him. The way his hair was ruffled from sleep, how his blue eyes bore into hers. Seeing right into her heart. The way he laughed. The small quirks he had. She thought back to the prince that she had first met, and how he had changed. How _she_ had witnessed the change, from arrogant prince to fair and just king.

Arthur had never really been like his father, but still looked up to him. However, he had been his own man enough to look past titles and status. He had married her. A mere servant. And knighted her brother, a commoner. He excelled and was known for his strengths, never his weaknesses.

But it was only when the sound of hooves in the courtyard roused her from her memories, that she realised where her true regret lay. How stupid to have only just truly noticed. How much Arthur, wanted, needed an heir. He had been expectant that she would announce to him that the Pendragon dynasty would continue. His family could truly be melded.

She, Queen Guinevere of Camelot had failed to notice. Failed to mention to her husband. The she was carrying his child. Sure she had suspected. But she had not wanted to tell him in case, as was so common, something should go wrong. But she had failed him. Failed to tell him. Her beloved husband who would sacrifice anything for his kingdom. His people. Had ridden away without the knowledge that he would never hear.

It was then that she saw a young man running towards her. A young man with tousled dark hair and a tear streaked face, pale against the blood red of his neckerchief. That she felt the cord bounding her heart to that of her husbands fray, and snap. Then that she fell to her knees. Greif filling every part of her soul.

She knew then, from the look on that one man's face that her beloved was dead. Her hero. Her King. Her hearts prince.

King Arthur was dead. And he never knew. Never knew because of her. Never knew he was a father.

**Well there it is folks. I know it is depressing and angsty and beating herself up and very short. But I had to write it. If there is enough interest (reviews people) the I may follow up with the little prince or princess. But if not shall leave it there. **


	2. Her Fathers Eyes

_**Here it is chapter 2 :) R&R**_

* * *

The queen of the mighty Camelot could be heard through out the castle. Her screams echoing about the mighty infrastructure of kings long since past. The sun was hanging lazily in the sky. Barely creating a path through the mist that crept along the grass. It left dew drops clinging to the delicate blades of the green blanket.

Camelot was strangely quiet. But not eerily so. If anything the atmosphere was tense with excitement. For short periods of time the screams would stop, leaving complete silence. And then another scream would cut the air, as if it were a knife.

Women gathered together, sending silent prayers for their queen. Hoping her a smooth, easy labour. It was early September, the weather was mild and the farmers content. It was a miracle how things had changed from nine months earlier. The fields had been churned up by marching armies, silence was unusual, what with rumours flying about Morgana and the Saxons. In those nine short months a lot had changed.

* * *

When Merlin had returned without his King, gossip spread like wild fire. Had their King survived?

What had happened at Camlann? And maybe one of the most important questions. Were they safe?

The young serving boy had answered all questions posed to him by the Queen. He had comforted her and explained all. With the new bond that had formed between the Warlock and the Queen, Merlin found the time to reveal to her, all of his tale.

From the very beginning. He spoke of his epic adventures and the dangers he had faced. He spoke of Destiny. Her cruel twists, the Once and Future King and his warlock, Emrys. How he had been born to right the imbalance caused by the purge. Of all of the plots by enemies and friends. How he had tried to protect his king. His family.

Within weeks of being properly coronated as Queen. Guinevere had made the arrangements to lift the ban on magic. In memory of her husband she continued many of his rulings and traditional values but also change a few.

Merlin had been crowned Court Sorcerer and had sworn to protect, and serve, the Queen and Camelot for the rest of his life. Just as he had Arthur.

* * *

Queen Guinevere, although being as proud as any noble women, admitted that she would not have been able to cope after the lose of Arthur, had it not been for Merlin. He had held her hand and continued to support her, just as he had when they were servants together. It was through his wisdom and kindness that had brought about the golden age.

It was also Merlin who was forced into the royal chambers, by Gaius, to have his hand mauled, by a desperate Queen. She had been in labour for a little over thirteen hours and the midwives* said she was nearly there.

Much to Merlin's relief they were right. The babies head was visible and every thing was going fine. And both proud warlock and grinning uncle** had tears in their eyes. Gwen cradled her newborn son with a look of awe on her face. Her mind flashing back to her husband. Imagining what his reaction would have been. The baby had his fathers hair and the same bone structure. But he had his mothers eyes***, their soft brown colour and their large round shape.

The joy in the room was soon gone though as the Queen began to scream again. The midwives gently took her son from her arms and gave him to his uncle. Returning their full attention to the Queen they quickly explained to the pale warlock. His eyes quickly caught on and rushed to his Queen's side. Clasping her hand Merlin whispered in her ear,

"Shhhh, its fine. There's another." As the shock sunk in her eyes lit up again, she filled her mind with memories to keep her strong. Memories of her Arthur. She would not allow the exhaustion to take her. Her focus was then directed to the midwives again, as they, ever so politely, ordered their Queen on what to do.

With the gentle reassuring squeezes, the soft words from Elyan, Gaius and Merlin, and the thoughts of _her _Once and Future. Queen Guinevere gave birth to a princess. A beautiful princess. Small curls of dark hair atop her pale head, and tiny hands curled into fists. Eyes clenched shut at the brightness of the world. But then she opened them. And blinked. Blue, clear eyes look up at her mother. The eyes of her father.

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_***Not sure whether they had midwives or not, but its in there anyway.**_

_****I only just realised that it is now AU because it has Elyan, but I like him and he would make a great uncle **_

_*****Again I just realised that this is very HP sorry its not meant to be :)**_

_**Well, there it is. I managed to pull it back after all the angst in that previous chapter. :) **_

_**Again I will do an epilogue of the twins, Merlin, Gwen, Gaius and the knights, if there is interest for it...And if I get the time. I have got a German Speaking to prep memorise and do, and an overdue science test. **_

_**But, hey, who knows. :) Thank You for reading and I will update Black and Blue Inside and Out soon :)**_

_**If anyone wants a particular story/plot that they want just prompt and I will try my best :) **_

_**Goodnight, and thanks again :D**_

_**PS. Please review :) **_


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